“Oh Thou, before whom all words recoil.”

"Oh Thou, before whom all words recoil."
Gouache on paper, March 2010

My uncle is very ill, and doctors cant figure out why his condition suddenly dropped.

Everyone’s preparing for the worst, and I find myself still grasping for a prayer that is both truthful and effective. But by effective i dont really know what i mean… effective for what is best maybe?

We went to the chapel here in the hospital, and it was the most pluralist place of worship I’ve been in– it’s small, probably less than 50sqm, but with a corner for Christians, Jews, and a big green tree–I’d guess Buddhism for the bodhi tree, but no trace of incense, so am not sure..There’s a smaller corner with mats–for Muslims I think.

My mom’s first impulse was to kneel, and she was crying.. I felt no urge or invitation to do the same, although I did feel a tiny envy that, wow, how nice it must be to feel that kind of comfort, or intimacy, or at the very least familiarity, with what one believes in deeply..

Two relatives have passed away this year already, and I’ve found myself still able to smile in both wakes… The bereaved need comforting, and moral support, but more and more I am finding resonance in believing that this life is just the staging ground for something bigger, and more important… Our bodies are just vessels, we move on to another vessel when this one breaks down…

What do we move towards?  Whom do we move towards? Who is waiting for us at the end of this all?