on death and iloveyous

Twirl, Gouache on paper, 2005

Sharing something I wrote in November 2008 after a funeral mass for my friend’s brother:

it happens every time someone i know dies– i get this compulsion to tell everyone i love them, to right every wrong, even those wrongs that are still pending

there’s that urgency, a jolly sort of rushing, not because there’s no time, but because the best time is now

it’s a reminder, almost a command, NOT TO WAIT
for anything– for a better time, for safer circumstances, for someone to say sorry first, for time to heal wounds
to just seize and be happy now
to resolve whatever conflicts are in my heart now, whether small or big
and just be happy
live in peace

and all the more this death, miguel’s
he’s a spirit warrior
he purposefully looked for God, for oneness, for joy
his favorite quote: “The Heart has a thousand strings, and can only be tuned by Love.”
by Hafiz, a Sufi poet
his friends called him the angelman, and he shared and promoted love through his music
he played the sitar
all the family members gave eulogies
and they all said he was deeply spiritual
moved on from the mundane world to a very connected spiritual plane
and at 24, thats deeply inspiring
it’s pushing me to move beyond the trivial in my life now–my sulking moods, brooding on how stuck i am (or think i am), even my latest obsessions which help me get by but are, in all honesty, distractions (twilight,
true blood, sookie stackhouse novels)..

just now i also got an email from a friend of a friend
contacts for lodging options in baguio
for next year, when teaching duties end
it’s my first step towards answering my deepest questions again
and im thankful for these pushes i get
nudges to put me on the right path (again)

let’s all pray for peace in our hearts
and every moment

Please say a prayer too for Miguel Dizon and his family, including my friend, Kitch.