Johanna

no birthday blues this year

Everyday Life

“He who waits for us is just like us.”
Acrylic on Paper, December 2010

Happy to say there are no birthday blues this year, I’ve crossed out about 22 items on my 30 before 30 list, and am really in a good place now. The sadness in the heart, so poignant a year ago, has passed:

Written on December 10, 2009, and sent into the future (now the present) through FutureMe.org.

Dear FutureMe,

bday blues again, this time the blues are more glaring, the cut is deeper..
been texting friends how this kind of sadness is new to me–i feel fear again, or for the first time..a lonely, emptying fear..
is this what love lost does to you?

i have bold plans to be in new york by may.. wonder where that yellow brick road will lead me.. openness, a healthy sense of self-identity, and a decisiveness to say no to things that have less relevance… am i ready for battle? i feel so sensitive, bagong skin, baby skin..tender to the touch and even to light…
what am i shying away from? love? pain? they go together right?

happy birthday jo, be well, be happy. you’ll be 30 soon. check your 30 before 30 list… !

hugs,
oh some sadness in the heart!

New York went by and well, went by.  Palawan also went by, and is still lingering.  Maybe for a much longer time.  Who’s to say?  Possibilities are endless. 🙂

All in all, such a blessing 2010 has been, for all its joys and pains.

Holding a BIG THANK YOU show on my birthday, and the work above is one of the few that have come out since Palawan.  Deep breaths and maybe chugs of beer as my works go on their first ever public display in 3 days…!

Will post pics of the rest after. 🙂

do you ever want to be sad?

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embrace
Gouache on Paper, May 2010

Last night I thought of the mementos I held on to, and which I needed to let go of… not because they triggered pain or joy, but because they triggered nothing.

Then I came upon one curious piece– an old t-shirt– and my reaction was so honest it just made me smile: “I’ll hold on to this so I can wear it when I want to be sad.”

Do you ever want to be sad?

Everyone I know wants to be happy… but is there also merit in choosing to be sad?

back to quiet

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i have seen the storm growing
Gouache and pen on paper, August 2010

Been terribly busy this past month, shuffling in and out of town– and I’ve neglected many things: my apartment (so dusty now boohoo), raw diet, and worst of all, sleep! Should add that I haven’t painted nor read in a looong while 🙁 So looking forward to my Palawan solo adventure in the next few days. For grounding, and returning to the quiet.

manilarat signing off.

Sustainable Living

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Been dreaming of wide open spaces and clean fresh air everyday for a good while, and now I get to smile in my heart and say it for real: it’s all happening.

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Am moving on to literally “greener pastures” in Nuvali, Sta. Rosa, Laguna, and will no longer be a true blue manilarat.

Thank you for the visits through the years and most especially for the kind words. Will maintain this site as a tourism jump off point to keep fighting the good fight to #helpDOT, but do hope you also join me on my journey towards sustainable living in MyNuvaliHome.com:

I dream of a simple home, a home that keeps me home.
I dream of a home that’s pretty.
I dream of a home that makes me happy.
I dream of a home that would make retreats and vacations unneeded, because the clarity and deep joy that I find in them, I find at home, everyday.
I dream of a home that has both silence and laughter.
I dream of a home that has love.

My Nuvali Home
: my first big adult commitment.

It’s not just a house; it’s a big YES to a lifestyle shift– to more quiet everydays, filled with meaning, in resonance with the quiet shift to a healthier, more conscious lifestyle that values and always upholds what truly matters: family, people, ordinary lives, joy in the everyday, helping others, helping who needs help now. It’s one that requires a lot of listening, and a lot of path-clearing… one that is awakened, awakening and awakens.

This is the sustainable life, this is what My Nuvali Home is about.

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house designing

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Nuvali house drawings

This is my most recent work: a house plan.
I am building a house. My house. Before 30.

That’s something I wrote I would do before December, and with grace, it is here before me– what I asked for.

THANK YOU from the deepest of my heart.

green architecture guide for my first house!

Green Design and Architecture

\"\" Was so happy to get finally get my copy yesterday!

First heard about this book from my friend Pompet, who says it’s his bible in building sustainable homes in Palawan.

The author, Johan van Lengen, founded the Bio-architecture and Intuitive Technology (TIBA) School in the Mata Atlantica (coastal jungle) of Brazil. The book is easy to follow, very practical but comprehensive, with sustainable design guides and zoning plans for communities (not just individual houses).

The reference page at the back has this Old Chinese saying:

When a king dies, his people say:  “He did this; he did that…”

But when a great king dies, they say: “We did everything ourselves.”

Wow.   Hope to use its ideas eventually as I bring to life my dream of an eco village, but also now, on a smaller scale, as I get started on building my first home! So exciting.

Other pegs for a green home from modresdes.com:

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Special thanks to my good friend, Marns, for the book!

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I think I really am moving to Sta. Rosa…

Sustainable Living

My plans of relocating to Palawan and getting involved in sustainable tourism have taken a backseat (for now), and am realizing that the work that I have and want to do is still in the mainstream.  If it is to push for a real sustainable lifestyle, I must first live it in order to be able to talk about it.  And so I’ve been exploring the farming alternative for when my lease expires in February, ideally somewhere near Manila, with Tagaytay as the best bet…

A few weeks ago, my brother gave me a grand idea: instead of moving to Tagaytay to be a farmer, why not just get a small house in Nuvali, and live the life I want, in a way that’s personally sustainable for me:  I can bike all I want everyday, have a small outdoor area for my art and permaculture, and make a living in real estate, selling the same lifestyle I’m building for myself– the sustainable Nuvali lifestyle with lots of wide open spaces and green green green everywhere.  Genius!!!

When Nuvali was launched in 2007 as Ayala’s big city project in Sta. Rosa, I was so in love with it.   It was the first time I heard of any concrete plans to build a sustainable community in scale, and I was so happy that such a vision was being supported and implemented by someone that meant business, with real funds and real energy from people who believed in it.  I was even happier that people my age–my peers–were excitedly buying in!

I’ve been living in a 50-sqm loft for almost a year now, and if only this had an outdoor space, I’d have no complaints, so a small house surrounded by a garden will be just perfect for me.

The main hesitation was the isolation from everyone else, but Sta.  Rosa is just a few minutes away from Alabang, and I’ll still have access to city conveniences (there’s National Bookstore in Nuvali, haha, priorities!).

Mom and Dad were also more supportive of this plan than the farming option, especially if they’ll just be in Tagaytay, and they went with me last week to check out the Avida site itself, where there are house and lot options for sale:

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It was raining so we just drove around to get a feel of the community…

The houses are identical (there are three models to choose from), and they have the modern-minimalist feel of sleek clean lines, but I like that they used earthy tones to lend a sense of warmth to the place.  A purely white house makes for a too sanitary life think–yey to color in our everydays!

If I choose to buy now, I’ll be able to move in by next summer, and I’ll be living in my own house in a community that I feel safe in, but is still far from noise, pollution and traffic!   Sounds heavenly wahhhhhh!

This is one of the standard two-bedroom houses…
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I’m interested in the most basic of them all, like the one below.. just 53 sqm floor area, and about 120sqm lot area…

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I can build a fence around it, have a small lookout garden/patio and a carport… but most important of all, it’ll be my own house!  That’s one more thing off my 30-before-30 list, hehe!

Of course I would love love love to have my dear friends as my neighbors… If any of you are also considering a shift to a healthier lifestyle, this is it!! Xavier will start its first schoolyear 2012 for co-ed, right in front of Avida, so no need to worry for your kids or future kids’ schooling. There’s already St. Scholastica’s,  La Salle and Ateneo Graduate School in Sta. Rosa, plus plans for UST and Everest Academy.  There’s also a Waldorf school inside Georgia Club next door to Nuvali.  For work, there are a number of IT companies and call centers already operational, plus the almost 20 industrial parks in Canlubang.  There’s also Alabang for more options.  Teehee… tara!

Here’s something more about Nuvali, from my old post in April 2008, “Nuvali: where I want my friends to buy“:

I pass by the main Nuvali entrance along the Sta. Rosa-Tagaytay Road on the way to Tagaytay almost twice a week, and I always find myself smiling, almost like a mother in patient admiration of a child as he comes of age, thinking that in a few years, there will be a thriving, empowered community living on that exact spot.I’ve been in love with Nuvali since I first heard about it in September 2007, and I’ve already decided that it will be my future home and the home of my kids and their kids.

Why Nuvali?

1. Offhand, it’s really because I believe in the project.
It’s not just another piece of land converted into livable space for houses. Much like a visionary company with inspiring people behind it, Nuvali is a project with soul, and it shows. There is a real commitment to responsible living, which is not something you hear property developers in the Philippines rally everyday.

2. It is a responsible venture, with long-term quality life at its core.
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As more and more people in the world clamor for greener lifestyles, it makes me proud and excited that in our own country, someone (or some group, i.e. Ayala) is doing his fair share in not just conducting business responsibly, but in providing ways–concretely and with the long-term in mind–for people to also live their lives responsibly. This means that we, as individual citizens, can also directly participate in this green revolution by living the green lifestyle ourselves, and living it not just in bits and pieces, but wholly and collectively!

3. It offers a shot at holistic, responsible living to those willing to work for it.
Living in Nuvali is not cheap, but it’s not incredulously expensive either. We were very happy to service one OFW client, and his wife and three kids based in Laguna, as they excitedly made their lot purchase. Bank financing is readily available, with options to pay in 10 years or more.

More recent updates:  A wakeboarding complex like the one in CamSur will be put up within Nuvali itself, hopefully operational by December 2010.  That’s in two months!!! Woohoo! Imagine going out for a short bike ride, and having a wide lake (and hot muscled boys perhaps) waiting for your viewing pleasure… !   Plans are also in place for biking trails, a bird sanctuary, tree nurseries, and a number of open fields (called “The Fields” \":P\" ) for soccer, frisbee, etc.  So exciting!!

Taraaaaa!  Neighbors anyone?? \":)\"

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being mommy

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sammy
Acrylic on Paper, July 2010 (That’s a painting of Sammy, my godchild.)

Tonight over dinner, I asked my brother if he wanted to have kids already.

It was also something I’ve been asking myself recently.

Our 6-year-old niece Patrice has been living with our family for three years now, and my parents, brothers and I have all had our fair share of parenting joys and frustrations. Today was soccer day, for example, and for the whole 10 minutes of scrimmage or game time, I was standing by the sidelines, playing the ever-so-vocal stage tita.  Can’t imagine how much more of a cheerleader I’d be with my own kid!

Mom and dad have been toasting to their (future) grandchildren every chance they get for quite some time now, especially since their peers all seem to be falling in love with their apos, but any chance of that happening soon is unlikely.   My brothers and I grew up with no grandparents (they died young), so we always felt endeared to other people’s lolos and lolas, and if there’s anything pressuring us to pursue the family life, it’s wanting our children to get to know and enjoy our own parents…

Why do people want kids?   What brings a woman, for example, to willingly surrender her love, time, effort, money and body to a young person who will “own” her for the rest of her life?

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I’ve scoured shelves for books on meaningful parenting, mostly to learn how to be a good tita to my niece, and the best I’ve found so far is Rahima Baldwin Dancy’s You are Your Child’s First Teacher.  It says that it’s more important to raise a well-balanced, happy child that’s a pleasure to be with than a smart one.   Highly recommended book.  🙂

Bahay Kalipay – a house of healing

Slow Travel Sustainable Living

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Welcome to Bahay Kalipay, a house of healing in Palawan, where I found myself on a quiet inner journey for six days barely a month ago.

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There’s something about going barefoot that invites opening up, a baring of sorts..
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…and this daily habit of having to take off one’s shoes and walk with naked feet on the floor is simple but it does what it is meant to do… which is to disarm, interrupt, like a cymbal clanging in a church, or maybe more like a flute in a library. It is strange but not unpleasant, maybe even friendly…

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Living in a communal setting also disarms– especially for someone who values private space and the comforts of familiar noise or absolute silence.

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I went to Palawan to visit my old friend, Pompet, and still no day passes that I don’t go back to those six days and wonder what really happened there.

When you go to a place expecting to live simply and commune with nature, you prepare yourself by leaving behind your city habits…  As someone who has no attachment to TV, newspapers, radio and magazines, I didn’t expect to have to adjust much.

I went with a passive mindset–I was there to observe, I was just going to watch.

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The days went by quietly, and to a certain extent, uneventful…

There was no novelty to shock or animate something dormant… The Inner Dance meditation was new, but it was very pleasant, and familiar…

Even the raw food aspect of the retreat–nothing but fruits and uncooked vegetables for 6 days–was easy to adapt to, it was a joy for me to eat so healthily.

I felt I had no need for healing, and let myself get comfortable believing that…

Maybe with no expectations, the true healing I needed happened.. quietly, without drama, without external hints.

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Something I’ve been  asking for this whole year–clarity–came to me so quietly soon after my trip, and I now realize that the search for clarity has always been the search for honesty.   To have clarity is to have the path cleared, so that one can see himself wholly and truly, and hear his own voice, follow his own rhythm.

What comes next is the courage to uphold that truth,  to pursue it, not without fear, for fear is part and parcel of life, but to press on in spite of those fears.

I’ve always wanted to be brave, and here it is–my most trying test:  Do I have the courage to be who I truly am, and also to let go of who I am not?


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Pompet is Pi, healer and in more ways than one, father of Bahay Kalipay.

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Bahay Kalipay, as “a self-sustainable community of healers, artists, gardeners, teachers, and earth-conscious people from around the world, some permanent, some in transit,” is a retreat space that offers Healing, Raw Food, Detox, Yoga in Puerto Princesa City, Palawan. It is also the main retreat center of an ancient Filipino Spiritual Healing Practice which is today called Inner Dance.

Bahay Kalipay, Lot 38E, Hagedorn Road Extension, San Pedro, Puerto Princesa, Palawan, Philippines.
* Pi Villaraza: +63 9994512765
* Daniw Arazola: +63 09081391139

Dreams are underway to build a community of healing further north, this time on the mountains of Palawan, which makes my heart leap quietly, especially when I liken it to Tolkien’s Rivendell, The House of Healing which was home to Elrond, Lord of the Elves:
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Frodo was now safe in the Last Homely House east of the Sea. That house was, as Bilbo had long ago reported, “a perfect house, whether you like food or sleep, or story-telling or singing, or just sitting and thinking best, or a pleasant mixture of them all.” Merely to be there was a cure for weariness, fear and sadness.

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Imagine living in a place of abundant healing energy such as this:

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“But it feels impossible, somehow, to feel gloomy or depressed in this place. I feel I could sing, If I knew the right song for the occasion,” said Pippin.

“I feel like singing myself,” laughed Frodo. “Though at the moment I feel more like eating and drinking!”

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Bacungan, Palawan.

What do you see?

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View more photos of Bahay Kalipay on flickr.

(Images of Rivendell and Lord of the Rings quotes are fromThe Rivendell Image Gallery)

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relevance

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passing through
“Passing through”, Gouache and pen on paper, August 2010

passing through (unfinished)
“Passing through”, Acrylic on canvas, July 2010, abandoned for now

I haven’t been painting for a while.

The question of relevance has been hounding me– what good will my paintings give to the world?

I read this letter by Robert Genn about the bigger questions that artists are faced with, and I was hoping to find an inkling of an answer from him, but like any teacher, he just throws the questions back at us:

…while there are a million directions you can take your art, there’s the old tug between relatively neutral subject matter and the possibility of meaningful social comment… Art can indeed say something, and when you combine your craft with your better mind, great and lasting images are likely to arise. This, in a way, is our job description, and it’s a tough one, especially these days when the visual arts are in competition with newer creative technologies like film and video. For those who take the challenge, there’s a tangible reward that’s right up there with science and religion.

He follows it up with this: “A painting doesn’t have to have a profound meaning. It doesn’t have to ‘say’ a word. We fall in love for simpler reasons.” (Harley Brown)

But also this: “A painting without a message is wallpaper.” (Sam Adoquei)

Hay.

walking towards the light

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on retreat
Pen on paper, August 2010

Don’t be afraid to walk forward. You’re walking towards light, Jo.
– journal entry, 18 August 2010

When I start talking to myself in my journals, I pay attention.

Been in a house of healing for five days now, and through all the detox, quiet time and healing sessions, the overarching theme is still to let go.

I’ve always had a problem with leaving people behind, or put another way, I’ve always wanted to take everyone with me wherever I went. I want people I care about to be in my everydays, because that’s really where the magic happens. 🙂

And now, the recurring message is to move forward, and trust that wherever I’ll end up, they’ll still be with me.

Courage for the light.

hooray for wooden toys!

Green Art Sustainable Living,

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Don’t you think it’s so hard to find a meaningful toy to give kids these days?

It’s always been a problem for me–I don’t buy into plastic toys and the PS2 generation–and come kiddie birthdays or baptisms, I always get torn between giving something I’d rather not give or just giving nothing.

Was so glad, then, to have met Tes Sobeng, a Waldorf mom who makes wooden toys for children (and children-at-heart!). She had access to wood craftsmen in Paete, Laguna and took it upon herself to make toys that resonated with love and encouraged imagination.

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Do you notice the mini palayok (clay pot) on the shelf? I have so many fond memories playing with clay pots as a child!

Tes has an assortment of toys, but mostly for kids of school age. Most adhere to the Waldorf ideals of age-appropriateness and imaginative play.
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Here’s one toy I took home for myself, inspired by a tansan (bottlecap) spinning wheel usually played in the provinces:
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Hayyyy, what joy in being a child!

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You can look at Tes’s toy catalog on her website, toys and stuff, or contact her through
0908-492-3953 / 912-4056 or tesmsobeng@yahoo.com

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