A friend recently referred to dating as having a love interest, and it made me realize how clean that phrase is.

Love interest.

No pretenses, no ambiguous meaning or indirect association with which to confuse it.

It is clean cut.  It captures romance, not to trivialize it, but quite the opposite — to make it more explicit.

“I am seeking a love interest” is an honest intent, and whoever uses it, allows himself or herself to enter into a new relationship with precision and audacity.

And how refreshing that is.

We all want to be a little less lonely, but dating has become diluted, casual, and in a way, aimless.  We now go out, hang out, meet up for drinks.  Facebook and twitter have softened these romantic interactions all the more — adding someone as a friend or frequently commenting on updates can now be used (or misconstrued) as a show of interest.  We like safe terms, non-committal gestures that let us passively build up to a maybe, that we may or may not act on.  I find most cowardly the use of “friendship” to test the water for what was once a direct, well-intended social process: courtship.   That was an engaging romantic activity that had a definite goal: to get an answer, from both parties, whether it be a yes or a no.

We don’t like being definite these days.  Maybe that’s why it’s also become so difficult to commit to the answer (the yes or the no).  We like gray areas, and usually get into things with one foot out of the door.  Most of us are muddled even while we seek; we have a lot of peripherals.  I once dated a guy who made his intentions clear from day one (that it was a clear yes for him), and I cherished that.

A love interest is just that — a romance partner.  Someone to romance, to be giddy over, and vice-versa.  A crush who crushes you back and says so. It can deepen into love and a true partnership, but that’s another story.  And the yes (or no) that we get from courtship or dating is just a decision to pursue (or not) that other story.

🙂

I saw a good movie the other day. It’s been a while since I smiled at the movie house. Celebrated friendship of a young, natural kind — the effortless, foundational friends we encounter earlier in life but carry with us forever.

Forever’s a cheesy word when we let it be one, but really, it’s beautiful.  They say nothing lasts forever, but we are here.  We witness the change, we flow.  We’ve flowed from day 1, from even before we started counting days, and will keep doing that.  And it’s a we, not an I.

Friendships change, we change, and it’s neither good nor bad.  When we come across people who can look at us and see this flow of forever in us and in them at the same time — wow, that’s a WOW.

That movie made it tangible for me again — that one line that struck me the first time I read it:  Friendship marks a life even more deeply than love.  By Elie Wiesel. And infinity — to touch it or feel it, or just witness it, be in the same space or moment as it, and to see faces of people next to you who are just as taken in  — these faces you will carry with you forever, and they you.

Go watch Perks of a Being a Wallflower.

*     *     *

Older posts on friendship and forever.

It feels nice to be asked.

But sometimes, what we really need is to do the asking.

What’s your fairy dust?

Who’s your fairy dust?

…

Heartbreak and joy. They are twins.

I grew up with twins. They have their own world — they connive, they plan and execute, or sometimes they plan to have no plan — the given is that they do everything together.

Whether you invite heartbreak or joy into your life, expect the other to come galloping by soon enough. They are what we Filipinos like to call “Buy one, take one.”

There is a pause button to the whole process, though. It happens when we become an outsider, an onlooker, and decide to stay out of the game.

We get a breather, either to sort through the mess, or refill the well.

But of course it’s not up to us to stay out.

Now going on night #7 in my new home, after a grueling two-year wait, and it feels surreal that I’m actually able to sit down and properly write again. Amidst the workload I have to do (business-wise, house cleaning-wise, creative-wise), I insist on this critical me time tonight to essay out my thoughts.

After being consumed by what’s practical for so long (i.e. daily hardware visits, weekly payroll, unending construction issues, furniture shopping, etc.), it is soooo refreshing to doodle away and let myself go…

Still very rusty with the writing knife though. I feel the hesitation and the urge to overdo…

But will sit through this until something comes out. Marathon post warning!

When we make time to distill what needs saying, a precious gift comes to us — a clear mind.  That’s the superfood of the psychic world, I think.  With a clear mind, anyone can be superman/woman.