Just got back from New York City. A friend called it a life-defining trip even before I left — and it has become that. Very much.
It’s difficult to describe the breadth and depth of where I am right now. I feel so wide. Or widened. Widening. I looked through photographs from the trip to try to organize them into a shareable format: over 2,000 pictures and a few videos, but still I feel they lack the spirit of what the visit meant for me.
I now feel pulled from all sides. A bittersweet pulling and pushing, one that will entail fresh hellos and goodbyes.
I’ve dreamt of moving to New York to study art for a long time. Last time I visited the city was four years ago in 2010. That was when “Empire State of Mind” was topping the charts, and I remember a goosebump moment on the train from Connecticut to NYC. Alicia Keys was softly singing it in acoustic, and there I was, not even in New York and already crying from “living the dream”. It was definitely an OA moment.
But this time, there was no drama. I’ve been in flow, in joyful acceptance of what is.
August 5, 2014
Two weeks have passed since I got back. I can’t behind jetlag anymore and am feeling the need to debrief from the trip.
To grasp an experience is always a struggle. To grasp in itself is to keep chasing after something — like a butterfly hopping from flower to flower. It’s like making sense of a dream… you remember bits and pieces but the whole picture evades you. It stays at an arm’s length, there, at a distance, separate, even if it’s actually bursting to envelope you and take you in. I’d rather flow through a moment than contain it.
And yet here I am. Documenting New York. For you. And me.
* * *
Some doodles for the bits and pieces:
And after the newness of everything passes, you find it within yourself to be still again…
and celebrate the loneliness…