Sweet is the memory of Jesus, giving true joys to the heart; but sweeter beyond honey and all else is his presence.

– quoted by Aldous Huxley in The Perennial Philosophy

Memory and presence.  Two sweet joys, but they don’t go hand in hand, they are not two of the same thing.

When all we have is memory–of a loved one, a cherished friendship, a triumph at work–there is a tendency to pedestal it, or maybe romanticize it until it suits us and what we need from it at that moment.  We remember the sweetness, and good for us if we find joy in what once was, but let’s not forget that before all our emotional ramblings over this memory, it had a life of its own–which was objective and a preview of the actual event, person, or feeling it captured.

Whatever comfort we find in memory, let us caution against getting swept up in it, and lingering in it.

This applies, too, to our faith.  Our rituals and sacraments do well to uphold the memory of something divine–Christ said to break bread and drink wine in memory of him–but let’s always be mindful that the formalities of our religion, no matter how pure and well-intentioned, are just stopovers.  We are there to renew ourselves and to make ourselves stronger, along with others who are on the same journey to a consistent and lively presencing of Christ everyday : sweeter beyond honey and all is his presence!

Today I made a decision to clean out distractions, and my biggest one has always been the internet.. will take an indefinite leave from the internet, then maybe slowly let it in again, as the need arises.. Top of head am thinking maybe a month, but I don’t know. Anything can happen 🙂

This is an experiment I’m doing for myself, so I can weed out what matters less, and work on what matters more. 🙂

Sharing where I am now, based on what’s been showing up on my notebooks lately:

Gouache on Paper, May 2010

Hugs always. Wherever you are and whatever is lighting up your eyes now, I wish you smiles in your heart everyday!

Pen on paper, April 2010

Someone told me she caught me smiling in my sleep recently, as if an angel was with me or was watching over me…

I must’ve been smiling all night last night again.

Thank you angel, thank you Uncle Joey.  I woke up thankful for being here, exactly where I am. Am excited for today. 🙂

Let’s all have great days today 🙂 Spring is lovely!!!

Gouache on paper, March 2010

My uncle is very ill, and doctors cant figure out why his condition suddenly dropped.

Everyone’s preparing for the worst, and I find myself still grasping for a prayer that is both truthful and effective. But by effective i dont really know what i mean… effective for what is best maybe?

We went to the chapel here in the hospital, and it was the most pluralist place of worship I’ve been in– it’s small, probably less than 50sqm, but with a corner for Christians, Jews, and a big green tree–I’d guess Buddhism for the bodhi tree, but no trace of incense, so am not sure..There’s a smaller corner with mats–for Muslims I think.

My mom’s first impulse was to kneel, and she was crying.. I felt no urge or invitation to do the same, although I did feel a tiny envy that, wow, how nice it must be to feel that kind of comfort, or intimacy, or at the very least familiarity, with what one believes in deeply..

Two relatives have passed away this year already, and I’ve found myself still able to smile in both wakes… The bereaved need comforting, and moral support, but more and more I am finding resonance in believing that this life is just the staging ground for something bigger, and more important… Our bodies are just vessels, we move on to another vessel when this one breaks down…

What do we move towards?  Whom do we move towards? Who is waiting for us at the end of this all?

Pen on paper, April 2010

I like what Nick Perlas says about the courage to die first, before the new can emerge. Courage to face the darkness of what is dead and what needs to die within us–and with it the necessary terror and uncertainty that we all face alone:

Philippine society is dying. The Filipino soul is sinking. There is massive corruption, poverty, conflict, joblessness, sickness and hopelessness all over the land. Millions are seeking and longing for a very different Philippines, one that is alive, dynamic, progressive, peaceful, just and moral. What is the new going to be based on? Where is the power to create the new going to come from?

This is where Easter comes in. Christ overcame the sting and horror of death, forever. With His victory, we now all have the capacity to overcome what is dead in ourselves, especially our doubts, fears and hatred. Only when we overcome these death forces inside can we have to power to resurrect and create the new outside, in ourselves and in our society. We cannot continue to be the victims of the death forces of the past. We have to access the resurrection forces of the future. Only this Resurrection power can allow us to build a new politics, a new Philippines. But we have to have the courage to die first so that the new can emerge and live. This is the meaning of Easter: the occasion not only to celebrate this power of resurrection within us, but also the occasion to make it real and effective in the world.

– Nicanor Perlas, “Meaning of Easter”
03 April 2010

Happy easter, friends.

To the light at the end of the tunnel.

Pen on paper, April 2010

What do you do when vacations become what you need to escape from? All the noise, the chitchat, the binge eating and drinking?

Far from being sad, this could be a cause for celebration– finding vacations tiresome or in a real way, unnecessary, means that maybe you’ve found joy in your everydays! Daily flow has found its pulse, and any break in routine (a.k.a. vacation) feels more like a distraction than a retreat.

What a nice, reassuring thought. 🙂